I think I’ve reached the ‘grey’ stage of widowhood. It’s the bit between the chaos of sorting out your past life as a married person and the frustration of not being able to move forward until probate is finalised. You live in a sort of functioning fog; sleep, eat, work and repeat. It becomes the norm as the rest of the world carries on around you. The rush of friends popping round, ringing and messaging you starts to fade as others get on with their lives and you feel too needy to ring them. So you don’t, you just close the emotional door and pretend you are fine on your own. Clients book in their dogs for grooming or boarding and you smile and say yes. The ‘how are you doings’ become ‘can you/would you’ and you say yes. Anything to fill the days ahead. Home and work become a safety net, the routine keeps you going.
And yet there are those who scupper that routine and badger you into going out even when your mind says ‘no no I’m okay here’. They seem to have a sixth sense for when you are feeling at your lowest and take you out of the dirge. From a last minute text “do you want to go to the cinema this afternoon?” to a “let’s go and see an exhibition at the Tate of someone you have never heard of but might enjoy this weekend” , they get you out whether you want to or not. We know them as friends but they are so much more.
Tony had over 150 people at his funeral, something none of the family expected but were incredibly touched by. He lived for his friends and family and it showed. It wasn’t just the number of donations to the charities we supported, it was how important his friends felt attending his funeral was. People came from as far as New Zealand, Australia and the US to say goodbye and reminisce with others. It was, to say the least, a very special day. But life goes on and the months pass and promises to keep in touch become a murmur.
The funny thing is that those who you least expect are those that walk back into your life. One of Tony’s oldest friends from childhood who, despite living in Australia now, has kept in touch as has one in Ireland. I have to admit his offer of bringing a couple of dogs and having his country cottage to myself is very tempting , I’m hoping Brexit doesn’t ruin that dream! But those who know me best are the ones who never forget. A trip to the cinema and a walk through Leicester Square was memorable as Tony and I spent much of our dating days up there. I loved the exhibition at the Tate, who knew I’d like stained glass that much? And the lunch followed by another cinema showing that ended up in a 5 hour chit chat and far too much wine in the pub was just what the therapist would have recommended.
Friends come and go, that’s life. But this widow will always appreciate the last minute “let’s go” even if I might sound grumpy at the time. Ignore my negatives because your positives stop the fog. As my dogs would say, if they could, every day is a great day to get out of the house…..
Widow plus woofs 