Goodbye Chez Knollys

After 24 years and a couple of months, let’s face it some of those I wish were just bad dreams, today is the last full day I will spend at chez Knollys. The removal company has been and gone so nothing is left but bare floorboards and copious amounts of dog hair released from behind the furniture. The stairs echo with the sound of paws pattering up and down, confused by the lack of beds and in Simi’s case, her futon. As I walk from room to room, perplexed woofers in my wake, I surprise myself with the lack of emotion attached to the house. I am reminded of Callum’s words as he left the place a couple of weeks ago, “it’s just bricks and mortar, Mum” he said as I asked him if he felt upset at leaving. He patted the side of the door in a sort of salute. Yet, this was the only house, Tony and I ever bought together and upstairs is the room he died in. More than a few dogs have come in and out of the gardens woofing and wagging and digging up the rose beds. We bought our newborn son back from the hospital here and watched him grow up into an amazing young man. But maybe Callum is right, a house is just a house, memories stay with you forever no matter where you end up.

I spent the week saying goodbye to friends and neighbours, I dread to think of what the new owners will think of the number of champagne bottles in the recycling bin, and it seemed fitting that last night was spent with Phil. Phil was with Tony when he had his cardiac arrest, I am forever grateful to him for holding me upright both then and now. We talked of T’s final days and for the first time, I woke up this morning with a sense of closure, as though he was saying it’s okay to move on. It’s just bricks and mortar. I’ve cleaned out the cupboards, sparkled up the oven and left the fridge smelling of Flash. The skirting boards are scrubbed and the historical dirt wiped across the lower parts of the walls removed (it’s a dog thing). Even the radiators have been dusted. I know builders will be in very soon but I feel a sense of pride leaving the place spic and span.

So here I am trying to cram what is left into as few bags as possible for the Mothership adventure. I say a few bags because I accidentally left the empty holdalls in the front room so when the removal men asked if everything in there was to go, they went. I can’t help but feel as though I’m packing for a holiday now, suitcases overflowing with clothes and dog paraphernalia dumped in the hall. I wonder what my thoughts will be tomorrow as I close the front door for the final time? Hmm better remember to count the woofers out…..Goodbye Chez Knollys xx

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”
(Maria Robinson)