Ditto always…

My darling Tony

It’ll be three years tomorrow. Three years seems like such a long time but sometimes it still feels like only a few months ago. One minute we were laughing about growing old and chasing each other in Zimmer frames and the next minute, I’m sitting here without you. And whilst the tears dry with time, memories forever ebb and flow through my mind. The little things; your crooked smile, the way your lip would twitch when you tried to lie and the hugs. I miss being able to mush my face in your chest whilst you wrapped yourself around me. I’m slowly letting go, every now and again I can still feel you right there but it doesn’t hurt anymore.

I don’t think about Knollys much these days, it’s funny how different my life has become, almost like two separate people but the same me. The girl who spent her days stressed out and chasing her proverbial tail around London is now happy with a hammer or a spade in hand and running up hills with her Arry. Considering neither of us was very good at DIY, you probably laughed your head off at my bar table attempt. I know, I should have been a little more accurate with the tape measure but then again, you know I never read instructions and patience is not my strong point. Occasionally I do wonder about how you would have coped with all the Covid stuff, not well without your beloved football I imagine, although you have a front row seat up there. In my mind, you’re most likely discussing Liverpool’s ups and downs with someone like Bill Shankly or Gerard Houllier.

It would have been your 60th birthday next month. As much as you said you wanted Alice to have a litter, I’m not sure newborn pups will be at the top of your gift list – watch over her won’t you? Ten years ago, I threw that surprise party for you with all our friends and family and then whisked you off to Oman. Thank God we didn’t know then what life was to throw at us.

There will be so many of those friends and family thinking of you tomorrow. I was just talking to Maggie the other day and she was saying how much Stu misses you. It’ll be a tough day for all especially your Mum, Frannie and Callum, Dickie and Phil too. I shall have my usual chat with you as the stars come out, I hope it isn’t cloudy because I hate not being able to say goodnight. Say hello to Pop and Jeremy and Keith and all the dogs up there with you especially Evee.

Thank you for getting me through the last three years even if you aren’t physically by my side but tucked away in my heart. As always I love you or in your words ‘ditto’……