Order of service

And so it was that we said our goodbyes to Mumo as we laid her to rest on Tuesday afternoon. The weather forecast had predicted rain but the sun came out instead which was a blessing in itself as the crematorium was running half an hour late so we all had to stand outside. Nobody seemed to mind, keeping to schedule is not the norm in this part of the world, friends and family chatting away amongst themselves until the doors finally opened and in we went. I’d picked some flowers from the garden which I placed on her coffin – a bit of a haywire bouquet as the March winds had blown off the best blossoms.

Like most services of this kind, it was short – we’d only been given half an hour so brother Simon and cousin Robert had practised the running down to the nth minute. Robert, a vicar in Wales and Mumo’s only nephew led the proceedings, our mum was not particularly religious but Rob knew her well and is a seasoned professional at these sorts of events. The night before he’d regaled us with stories as we sat round the family dinner table – the one about gangsta rap being played as the final request sending the lot of us into uncontrollable laughter. That and his choice of footwear on the day itself. Simon’s eulogy reminded us of what an incredible life our mum had had, his son Louis standing at his side translating the words into French. I’d had the forethought to ask Louis and Katie (Simon’s daughter) to print out the français version the night before even if they did change some of the text – nuances they amused. And I managed to get through my little speech dry-eyed; that was until I sat down next to Callum, looked over at my sister Bong and the sobbing started. Mercifully for the rest of the attendees we’d made to the end before the mascara ran and as we left the starkly beige auditorium, placing a kiss on her coffin, everyone was ready for a hug. And a very large drink back at chez nous with our friends.

Funerals are like weddings in a way, you spend so much time beforehand planning such events and then, bing, it’s all over. I wrote the same sentiment after Tony’s. Most of my siblings and their sprogs left the day after; Bong and her family back to New York, Katie back to London and Simon and Alba to Narbonne. They’ll all be back in June when we will scatter Mumo’s ashes next to Pop – the sun should be properly out by then. Luckily for me, I’ve still had company – Moth left yesterday as did Louis but Callum will be here a little longer. Just as well as we’ve needed to replace the entire sink unit in the main house as it broke mid-way through the after buffet – Denis came up trumps finding an almost perfect fit in the back of his garage. Having occupied myself with bits of furniture restoration, I’ve had to move the finished pieces into the room downstairs so Cal can get on with door frames and electric updating. Then there’s the pool deck to be sanded down and re-oiled before the new liner goes in, the potager needs to be turned over for the new season veggies and my back stairs need re-painting. Life will never be quite right without her but Mumo would be the first to say: dry your eyes, put on your boots and enjoy the sunrise…

I shall leave you with my ‘Letter to Mumo’ – the English version ahem..

“Classy, elegant, fun, always with a gentle smile your friends remember. A born diplomat, confidante, never one for an argument yet fascinatingly intelligent – you could recite quotes from literature off the top of your head and rarely failed to complete a crossword. You were the ultimate hostess, always making sure glasses were filled and tummies sated. Your family motto FHB (family hold back meant guests came first). Stunningly beautiful, you may have appeared fragile on the outside but that came with a spirit forged of steel.

To us, the Collinses, you were Mumo. Or Grandmummo. The voice of reason when you needed it most. Except when we were the cause of the trouble and then we’d best be running the opposite way. I once asked you why you never said “I love you” like other parents said to their kids. You replied, I shouldn’t have to, you should know I do. And we did. Despite living on opposite ends of the world, if there was a way to get home for Christmas, we did. To your home. Aude. First the magic of L’Horte, the house that you and Pop (along with various family hands) built and then Rouffiac – a place you said gave you peace. A place for family and friends, old and new to drop by and share an hour or two over a cup of tea.

I still look through the kitchen window when I come back from my morning run, expecting to see you on that damn stool sipping your coffee, a single muffin delicately sliced as you read the news on your Ipad. But you’re no longer there. But you are. You continue to live inside all of us; Simon has your love of books and your level headedness, Bong has your elegance and love of music, Moth has your patience the love of Kenya and wildlife, and for me I hope the steadfastness of friendship and a love of German Shepherds and rose gardens. And so much more is carried on through the next generation that you were so so proud of.
I will finish with a quote from one of her favourite Oscar Wilde plays – The Importance of Being Ernest
“ I never travel without my diary. One should always have something sensational to read in the train”

The strength within

It’s been an eventful week, to coin one of my son’s ‘scare Mum’ phrases, and not just because of the number of soirées attended. Once again I managed to injure myself running, only this time it wasn’t down to clumsiness – I got bitten by a dog saving one of my own.

So there I was, huffing and puffing along our usual Tuesday morning route preparing to take on the first of many inclines when suddenly the humungous hairy hound appeared and launched its 90 plus kilo body at Arry pinning him to the ground by the throat. So I pulled him off. Easy yes? Nope but us Mums have inner power when it comes to saving our precious ones. I wrapped my hand into the choke chain around the attacker and hauled him across to the opposite fence. It did cross my mind to hook the chain loop around said fence but I didn’t want to hurt the dog – weird I know but I didn’t. Thankfully, for once in his idiotic life, Arry obeyed me and backed off to a safe distance but Alice and Sherman, terriers they are, weren’t going to let the beast get away lightly. As Sherbs glued his fangs to one hind leg, Alice went into full tigress mode, snapping at every available limb and its sizeable neck. If I had had time to admire her ferocity at this dog’s brazen attack on her beau, I would have but in the process of swinging for one of the diminutive devils, the dog bit me in the leg. The whole episode was over in a matter of minutes – the exhausted assailant giving up and plonked his large behind on the road, long enough for me to grab the two tenacious terriers and make for the hills. Now, before you think I was being foolhardy and putting myself in danger, I wasn’t. I know this dog although he is normally behind an electrified fence protecting his owner’s flock of sheep and said owner has been in touch with profound apologies and offers to pay any vet bills (no woofers were hurt mercifully) and an invitation to go and meet his animals, including the fluff monster. Having spent more than 20 years as a behaviour consultant and trainer, I know enough that it wasn’t the target and frankly Arry does look a bit like Wile E Coyote. I do wish I’d stopping scarring my knees though, I’ll need a GPS to find them soon.

Anyway, I’ve been ‘tetanused’ and loaded with antibiotics, thankfully those that don’t require you to abstain from alcohol (I don’t think such medication exists in these parts) which was just as well as the rest of the week was all about dining and wining. Mumo, having celebrated her xx birthday on Monday, held a little party for close friends on Friday. Denis and I bought her one of those outdoor braziers as she doesn’t do cold very well – the little fire pit blasted out lava-like temperatures the whole evening keeping everyone warm and toasty if not a little smoke-scented. My sister-in-law Alba, made a fancy spread of finger foods and I kept the flow of wine going. And I managed to behave myself and keep the dancing under wraps.

Hip-shaking however, was mandatory last night – my man on the barbecue and his brother, Thierry, on the decks as I was treated to a night of traditional Catalan cuisine and music at his Mum’s house. She hasn’t been well of late so the brothers decided to cheer her up with their presence. D’s other brother, Bruno, is her main carer so having a bit of riotous company was for him too. Yet another thoroughly enjoyable evening even if my body said differently when I woke up this morning. I relish Sunday mornings when I can stay in bed and cuddle the woofers but alas, I had another engagement – an early one. My first French baptism held at the church here in Rouffiac, mercifully a two minute walk round the corner as neither Denis or I would have had the stomach to drive anywhere. To be honest, I’d only met the parents once and my tired self would have rather forgone the invitation but in a small village like ours, well you can imagine what the neighbours would say. It was the first time I’d been in the church too and after the previous two nights, I was grateful for the quiet sanctuary within its walls. The service was beautiful and blessedly short with the most genial baby who never cried once and no hymns were involved so no-one needed to hear me ruin a momentous family occasion. Luckily, D and I also managed to escape the after-party after a small glass to wet the baby’s head and return to our own abodes for a bit of down time after the week’s events – I haven’t mentioned that D fell off a wooden plank whilst trying to put shelving together and bruised ribs and shoulder. At least next week with any luck will be slightly less dramatic I hope but I have started to fill the bloody pool…

“Your responses to the events of life are more important than the events themselves” (Virginia Satir)

Busying away the blah

I started the weekend in a somewhat filthy mood. It would have been easy to surmise that the blame for my dour demeanour should be placed solely on Callum’s departure on Thursday but he wasn’t the only guilty one. All my friends seem to be down with either a cold, the flu or a mixture of both since the New Year started so life has suddenly gone a bit blah. It doesn’t help that the main house is now empty of its family save Mumo now that all have returned to their own nests and everything seems strangely silent right now. It’s as though the party has been boxed up and put away until the warmer seasons creep in – all a bit depressing really. Mind you, a few months of semi-solitude will be good for me – there’s a book that won’t write itself and several pieces of furniture needing my attention let alone the garden. Denis and I are excitedly awaiting my Christmas present from Mumo, a serre (a sort of mix between a greenhouse and a poly tunnel) so we can start growing little seedlings before letting them out into the big wide potager.

Yes, my own not-so-little seedling has flown back across the vast seas to South Oz. I’m already missing him like crazy and I’m not the only one. The bedside lamp socket in Mumo’s bedroom decided to go on the blink as soon as the only electrically-capable family member left the country and neither Mumo or I can figure out how to get the filter out of her fridge to replace it. The night before he left, Cal and sat up in the apartment talking about our lives and Tony. I know I say it a thousand times a second but I am so proud of our boy. Considering how much he has gone through, he has turned into a confident, knowledgeable and sensitive young man. Driving to the airport on Thursday afternoon, I noticed him fiddling with my phone – it wasn’t until I got back to the car after dropping him off at the departure gate that I realised he’d synced his music playlist with mine. He has excellent taste in tunes. And as much as it tore at my heart waving good-bye to my gorgeous grown up son, there was also the worry about how he’d cope with the flight this time i.e. would he spend the entire time throwing up again or would my theory prove correct and the drugs would do their thing. It seems my research paid off and he landed with stomach intact – it wasn’t air sickness he was suffering from, it was altitude sickness. I’ll speak to him during the week when the jet lag dissipates.

With the weather reminding us what winter is all about last week, save the snow that was promised but never arrived, I kept myself busy hammering little gold nails into one of my current renovations, lop-sidedly I might add, whilst Denis planted a whole slew of giant cacti on the verge outside. One of the village residents had one too many growing in his garden so Denis went over and did a bit of uprooting and self-harm. With arms looking like he’d been hooked on heroin, scratched and pot-holed – my brave man repositioned the horned demons into their new habitat which I hope will stop the dog from round the corner attacking my lot through the front fence. I’m actually rather fond of such spiky sculptures and our new frontage has gotten many a thumbs-up from the locals. Apart from said dog that is.

Oh and by the way, I did eventually succeed in making a podcast on Spotify. A day late. I had set everything up and lines ready, hit record, did my spiel and pressed the publish button. Except said button refused to comply and my Ipad almost ended up in next-door’s garden. Temper flaring, I took the bloody thing over to Cal who promptly fiddled with it for two seconds and bingo, my podcast flew off into the ether that is media. I’ll have another go this evening as Callum is 9 hours ahead and I don’t want to wake him up when I can’t press the button again. Did I tell you what an amazingly gifted child I have?…

“Behind every great kid is a mom who’s pretty sure she’s screwing it up.” (Anon)

Share this:

Share this:

Share this: