Familiarity and fracas

When I said last week that this blog might have to wait until Tuesday, I meant it as a bit of humour but apparently someone up there took it seriously. I would have written yesterday but then, my musings about sleep or the lack of it were picked up too. In a nutshell, I missed my plane (not entirely my fault) and had to stay in an airport hotel overnight and buy another flight out Monday morning. I shall explain in due course but suffice to say I have no wish to visit London for the foreseeable or not foreseeable future.

Judging by the start of my trip across to the Motherland, I should have taken note – the signs were there. My casual descent into what would become the depths of hell otherwise known as The London Transport system was the first. Having made my way from Stansted to London in a leisurely fashion, I arrived at Victoria Station to catch the train down to my mother-in-law only to be greeted with an overhead display of delayed or cancelled departures and a station heaving with frustrated fellow travellers shrieking into their mobile phones. Storm Amy was apparently playing havoc with the lines which would be understandable if I hadn’t seen blue skies and sunshine outside. Four hours later I was in Jenny’s warm hug and after a bottle of wine and just what you needed pasta salad, I was passed out in all too familiar bed at the Stewart family home.

And as with most storms, there was a lull in its momentum. Spending time in a house I’d known for over 30 years, albeit with Tony, was beyond special. The memories flooded back; Callum on the swing under the giant willow tree, my father-in-law Jeremy pottering around his fruit cages and Jenny’s kitchen still smelling of delicious things to come. Nothing had changed which oddly gave me a sense of security – I don’t know why, perhaps it brought me peace knowing a part of T is forever there. Such could be said the same when, after a thankfully a stress-free train ride to Rene’s, the day ended with an almost perfect evening with the Coven (aka my girls). On a Friday night as always and being a Coven, we brought a little tempête just for fun. Far too much wine, a few topples on the dance floor and a little too much emotion in our gal pal Larrie’s home was like time had stopped and we were back in yesteryear.

I wish I could say the following day brought the same flood of days gone by but no. Okay meeting up with those I used to work for (including one who had a new Cavalier pup which I had thoughts about smuggling) and with those I worked with including my dearest friend Serena were warmly welcomed and much needed. As I said, the omens were there. Who was I to know that I had timed my little excursion to the capital on the same weekend that several thousand people decided to have a protest and the two most used tube lines; District and Circle were closed. Being herded down several escalators with enough people to start an epidemic, I headed for the exit and a bus. As did everyone else. I ended up taking a black cab as the chance of getting a cheap ride was slim to none which I wouldn’t have minded except the speed limit has been reduced to twenty miles an hour. I should have rented a bike – fast option. On the plus side, I did get the chance to pop into M&S, I hate to say it but the French can’t do affordable lingerie like what they do and I did buy a few other bits that weren’t on the budget but hey, it’s a British institution. On the minus side, my feet started to howl on account of the slightly heeled boots I’d decided to wear after porting flip-flops for the last four months and guess what, no bus. Actually not true, plenty of them, all in the opposite lane. Black cab to the rescue. Another expensive outlay and although I’m never one to talk politics, this one’s views on those of another colour were not mine. My London has changed. The city I spent more than half of my life in is not one I remember.

I might have mentioned earlier about lulls in storms and having lounged in the arms of Rene’s pug cross Pepper, eating sushi and watching Strictly, I packed up my teeny suitcase (Ryannair chaps) on Sunday morning and sauntered down for a cup of coffee with our Sophy (same name spelt differently). I was so relaxed that by the time I’d visited Rene’s parents and flopped into her local eaterie, my initial reaction to reading my departing ticket was, well let’s say, slightly hysterical. I’d got the time wrong. The ever afore-mentioned Rene aka the only person who can make me calm down, got me on a train in record time and yup, I was back at Victoria Station. On time. But no tube, no bus, no chance of getting to Stansted on time. I did try; my cab driver only got 200 metres before the traffic hit so I got out at the next tube stop but naturally, the Gods had made plans. We will close a few more tube lines; she ain’t getting outta here. So that’s why I ended up in an extremely expensive hotel room right next to the airport (I couldn’t trust the buses) and spending what I couldn’t afford to waste on another plane ticket. I don’t think I have ever been so pleased to see Denis’ face as I exited those doors on the other side and what made my return even more poignant was the customs officer telling me I didn’t need to join the ‘other passport’ queue as I had French residency. They say home is where the heart is which is why I called my architect this afternoon. Time spent with those I love the most was what I needed but also the realisation that there are some things that will stay forever in your memories but for a city you once loved, you’d rather forget..

Please, mind the gap.” (London Underground)

A pause in time
a broken city
home

A time best shared

I made a mattress cover. Sounds daft but I was ridiculously pleased with myself, mainly because I’d managed to use the sewing machine without breaking it. Okay so I did snap the needle mid-seam when it ran over a forgotten pin but using the dreaded contraption without Mumo’s guidance was a first. If I’m honest, life without her hasn’t sunk in yet – everything seems to be carrying on as normal even if it’s anything but. For most of last week, the only residents in the house were me and brother Simon; both of us busy sorting out funeral arrangements and legal stuff. It’s not as though the family home was constantly full of Collins; most of the time it was just Mumo and me but somehow the place echoes with emptiness. The arrival of nephew Louis and niece Kate this morning along with Cal who had been visiting his other grandmother, has however, helped lift the gloom and with the rest of the clan descending tomorrow, the coming days will be easier to bear.

Mumo used to say that she preferred her grand-children because her own kids always argued but when it came to family fortitude, us lot would always stick together. As we sat on Mumo’s bed last weekend, going through her bits of bling and mercifully tidy wardrobe, sister Bong and I reminisced over the pieces. We don’t often talk so sharing memories was a nice way to reconnect especially as she remembered far more than I me. I didn’t take much as I tend to lose jewellery on a regular basis but there was one pendant, a Cowrie (Mumo loved Cowrie shells), that I recall her wearing in Kenya.

Recollecting happier times has stretched further than the family bonds. Having been tasked with sending out emails and making phone calls to Mumo’s friends, everyone has had their own special memories of our mum. Right now, in the main house, Simon, Callum and Louis are poring of photographs for the service and there’s a lot of laughter added to the process. So much nostalgia held in those album pockets. I can’t say I haven’t cried, I’ve sobbed bucket loads – weirdly mostly when I’m doing the ironing but as long as I keep busy, I’m doing okay. In fact, I’m whizzing through my furniture renovations to the point where I’m going to have to find somewhere to put all of it so I can photograph my babies and sell them. The workshop keeps me calm – my safe space unless I’m running up those hills. And I finished the tableau for the signpost under the corner wall – my version of Spring. Mumo said I’d put just about every colour of the rainbow on canvas. Thankfully, Denis has encased it between two sheets of plastic because March so far is rather windy and wet. Good for the garden though and my cauliflowers.

The next few days are going to be the tough ones as we say good-bye to Mumo on Tuesday before she is laid to rest at L’Horte. On behalf of all the Collins clan, I would like to say thank you for all the wonderful reminders of just how incredible our Mumo was. I only wish she’s told me where she kept the spare sewing machine needles…

Say not in grief that she is no more, but say in thankfulness that she was” ( Hebrew proverb)

treasured memories
creating collections
rainbow colours