A ‘Hoo’ in the house

There is an invisible being in my house. Call me irrational but something is definitely messing with the lay lines at chez knollys. I keep misplacing items only to find them an hour later in plain sight. Obviously I could blame the reappearance of socks, flip flops and shoes on Alice’s odd maternal instincts but I drop things, I break things and I forget things as well. I know, perhaps a visit to the doctor might be a thought but my inner witch blames it on otherwordly miscreants. Despite the almost finished and frankly, ‘lush’ extension, the house doesn’t feel happy to me. Those of you who keep up to date with my blog journey will remember my attempt at Feng Shui ing my house some months ago. Well, that was a waste of time. But I am a naturally superstitious person, I wish any single magpie a good day and always cross my fingers when going under or over bridges so I decided I needed help with the pesky poltergeist if I’m going to have any hope of equilibrium back.

My first thought was to get a Buddhist monk to come over and bless the house. having spent part of my childhood in Thailand. Back then, an orange robed man chanting blessings for your new home was a common sight but apparently the Buddhist temples in London don’t go in for that sort of thing. So I called Tess. Our Tessa is one of my closest friends and a person who knows how to sort the spirits out for want of a better phrase. She also doesn’t think I’m losing the plot. So Tess advised me to start the cleansing before she comes next week by sprinkling sea salt in the corner of every room;

Me: “Does it have to be sea salt?”

Tess: “Yes, not the cheap table salt stuff”

Me: “Will Cornish Sea Salt do?”

Tess: “Ooo yes, I love Cornwall”

Me: “How much do I sprinkle?”

Tess: “However much your instinct tells you”

Me thinking: ” Just a sprinkle then because this stuff is expensive”

Anyway, under her instruction I made my way around the house and the wardrobes, fairy dusting the corners with minute amounts of Cornish salt. Callum found this incredibly amusing, his mum had finally gone off the deep end and I had to put the dogs away for fear they would hoover up any spirit squashing attempts. I am told faithfully by our Tess that she will be down in the next couple of weeks to finish off the phantom vamoosing but at least I’ve made a start. If the girls partying the other night until 1 a.m is anything to go by, we are on the right track. I do worry about the rapidly diminishing water levels in the dogs’ drinking fountains though…..

“ Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives..” (Sue Murphy. Writer)