Coffee break

Despite my new relaxed ex-city girl state of mind, there are still a few things in life that can raise my blood pressure especially if they appear before I’ve had my morning coffee. It has become a bit of a running joke between the builders and gardener not to speak to me until I’ve finished my first cup. Even the dogs know not to go into a barking frenzy (we have had one complaint, more of that later) until Mother has had her wake up potion. Annoyingly however, technology does not appear to recognise such needs, choosing instead to send my temper into overdrive before you can say good morning. This week, the rogue vacuum cleaner managed to wrap its mile long cord around the wine rack and pull out a bottle of champagne, emptying the frothy contents all over the kitchen floor. If that wasn’t enough, I then decided that I who know zip about anything technical could fix Mumo’s iPhone. Forgetting your passcode is very common according to Apple but restoring the settings is laborious and fiddly. Hold this button down whilst you plug that bit into the computer but don’t let go until your fingers turn blue kind of experience. I’m sure the reason why your call to such support hubs is answered by a soothing Irishman is to prevent phones from being thrown against walls.

As I mentioned earlier, the dogs managed to upset a neighbour. Apparently their volume control needed a little fine tuning, his wife couldn’t concentrate on her work. Frankly I wasn’t surprised, their barking had been driving me crazy and I live here. Naturally his suggestion that we should buy a few electric collars fell on deaf ears ( I don’t think my answer to that would have helped the situation), instead I decided that a little training refresher wouldn’t go amiss. Alice for one, has a yap which can break windows. Now most of my dogs will turn cartwheels on command for a liver treat, Arry tends to prefer kisses and doesn’t bark that much anyway (hard to do with a rock in your mouth) but Gunner’s reward is chasing Arry. He isn’t the slightest bit bothered by food or toys which is regrettable as the chase involves barking. He isn’t the brightest tool in the box.

The kitchen countertops and closets were finally finished last week. It was a little unfortunate that the two chaps that came only spoke Spanish so my new found grasp of French construction lingo was silenced in favour of much pointing and waving of hands. Halfway through the project, I discovered that the main piece of granite was too heavy to get out of the van – you can imagine the sign language for this, could I help? Luckily my kind-hearted chauffagiste (boiler man) turned up mid-conversation and offered himself up to the cause. I pointed out to Max that neither man spoke French, not a problem apparently. He sauntered genially up to the exhausted pair and said “Hola!”. In no time at all, the granite was hoisted into the kitchen and smiles all round. “Vous prenez un cafe, Max?”, “Oui, merci Sophi”….…………

“Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of goat” (Johann Sebastian Bach)