what-ifs and what-will-be’s

Do you ever feel like you’re living in some sort of alternate reality? That the pictures that pop on your memory pages from 2, 3, 4 years ago are so far removed from where you are now?

I was standing on top of a ladder yesterday ripping plaster off a wall when I had the same thoughts. Even a year ago, I would never have seen myself, the girl who adored her false nails and high heels, wearing dust covered work boots and torn jeans overcoming her fear of heights. And whilst I’m loving ‘la vie française‘, my mind sometimes wonders into the what-if dimension. What if I hadn’t put Knollys on the market? What if Tony hadn’t died and we had moved to the Sussex countryside as planned? What if L’Horte hadn’t got flooded? What if my Pop was still alive? What if we hadn’t decided to foster a crazy, rock-obsessed, utterly lovable German Shepherd pup five years ago? Happy Gotcha Day Arry, life without you is impossible to contemplate. The woofers of course don’t do what-ifs, they have settled at Rouffiac as though they had been here all their lives.

We’ve been here six months now and as February and winter drift slowly towards Spring, the trees are beginning to bring a little colour into the garden and the bulbs are pushing upwards through the regenerated ground. My boots and I are as busy as ever, fencing off the new plantings to protect them from trampling paws and my verandah has been painted white to give it that Mediterranean look. There is something about the gradual change of season that brings a little optimism and a sudden need to get everything ready for sunny days ahead. Time for less what-ifs and more what-needs-to-get-dones.

If I had never made the move across the Channel, I don’t suppose I would ever have wanted a swimming pool in the back garden but here it’s pretty much a property priority. At L’Horte, we had the river (well, actually we still do). The kids learnt to swim there and it was always the first place the dogs would run to after the long drive from London. There’s been kayaks, canoes, zip-wires and catastrophes, memories of another time buried in the murky depths. We will always be able to enjoy the cool waters over there but I still think we need a pool at Rouffiac. After all, not every visitor wants to trek through metre high grass in order to share a quiet paddle with a whole lot of woofers. With a clear idea in mind including a fence to keep Arry away from temptation, I am busy ‘interviewing’ prospective ‘piscine‘ people. In my mind this is definitely a what-will-be-will-be, not a what-if……..

“The adventure of life is to learn. The purpose of life is to grow. The nature of life is to change” (William Arthur Ward)